Chapter Twenty Six

“This is nice,” Lucy said faintly, her voice drowsy with contentment. She and Sullivan were both parked in front of the fireplace on opposite ends of the comfortable sofa, their eyes drawn to the dancing embers within the grate, their bellies full of salmon, rice and mixed vegetables. “I like this.”

Sullivan glanced over at her, reveling in her softly relaxed features, the small smile on her face, the way she was curled slightly towards him on the couch. It would be so easy to just lean over and kiss the hell out of her…

“I like this too,” he said softly, his tone holding several meanings to his own ears. “I love the quiet.”

Lucy glanced at him, studying his handsome features in the soft light for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “That surprises me. I figured you would dig the whole ‘out in the woods’ thing for a little while, but then you would start itching for noise or excitement or some sort of outlet. In the gym, you’re always moving and stimulated, or listening to music to turning the news on, always fixed on something. I’m kind of surprised you dig the unplugged thing. The fire is no match for a gym full of noise and activity.”

Sullivan shrugged, realizing his twin slipup, and trying to remember to channel Spencer instead of just being himself. “I feel like sometimes I need a time out, and this is it. This is my happy place, I guess you could say.”

Lucy sighed. “Would you be mad if I made this my happy place too?” she asked quietly, staring into the fire and tugging her thin sweater closer to her body.

“Not a bit,” Sullivan said, watching her with a slight ache in his heart.

He flashed forward in his mind to years from now, he and Lucy sitting just here together, sharing quiet conversation and holding hands while the kids slept in the other room.

Kids?

Jesus, where did that come from? he thought with a mental head slap.

Cart before the horse, buddy, he thought sternly. She doesn’t even know who you are.

Yet.

“Thanks,” she said with a small smile directed at him. “It’s nice to share.”

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Lucy broke the quiet again. “What are you thinking about? No cheating,” she added, when he glanced up at her, his face a mixture of emotions.

“I was thinking…” Sullivan hesitated, the decided to be honest with her. “How you are the first person I’ve been totally comfortable with in a long time. That I’ve been myself with for a long time.”

Lucy shifted so she could study his face seriously. “I think it’s time you told me about her. You know all my demons – who is yours?”

“What?”

“The girl who broke your heart,” Lucy said simply.

Sullivan gaped at her, and she gave him a small smile.

“C’mon, it’s obvious. It’s clear you’ve had your heart broken, but you’ve never mentioned it to me. Why not?”

Sullivan shrugged. “I… I hate giving her any more of my life, even my thoughts. I just try to blank her out.”

Lucy nodded slowly. “I get that, but you should tell me anyway.”

Sullivan sighed, and then began. “Her name was Jewel.”

“She didn’t happen to be a famous recording artist, did she?” Lucy interjected with a wry grin and Sullivan shook a finger at her.

“My story. Stop interrupting.”

“You just started!” Lucy teased, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “Go ahead. Jewel, of the pretentious name.”

“No, she wasn’t a recording artist. She was, however, an attorney, and a good one. Corporate law,” Sullivan added. “We met at a friend’s party that my brother dragged me to, and hit it off. As you can tell, I’m a pretty shy person, but she brought out more of myself, and we just hung out more and more. I guess without knowing it, she was molding me into what she wanted, not who I was,” he said, pausing before continuing. “I changed the way I dressed, what I ate, who I hung out with, I even changed my job, everything. She was so perfect, and was everything I thought I should want, I was willing to do anything to keep her.”

“That’s sad,” Lucy whispered. “I hate that for you.”

“I hate it for me, too, but I didn’t even realize the brainwashing was happening at the time. I just… I just changed. For her, of course. She, by the way, did not change one iota for me. And then one day I bought an engagement ring, got down on one knee in exactly the way she had told me was the only way to propose marriage – in front of everyone she knew, while she was dressed to the nines for her birthday – and asked her to marry me.”

“Did you really want to marry her?” Lucy asked, her tone serious.

“I thought I did,” Sullivan admitted. “I really did. So, we started to plan a wedding, did the whole lavish engagement party thing, got pictures taken looking like a blissful couple, told our families…”

“And yet, I notice you aren’t married, so what happened?” Lucy nudged gently when Sullivan trailed off and remained silent for several minutes.

Sullivan took a deep breath, and then blew it out. “I came home one day and she had someone pressed against a wall, kissing the hell out of them, begging them to fuck her.”

Lucy winced, but remained silent, waiting.

“It was… it was my brother.”

Lucy’s eyes widened. “Bastard,” she breathed.

“No, no,” Sullivan said quickly. “He did it for me.”

“Huh?”

My brother knew that Jewel had been sleeping around, even after we were engaged, but I wouldn’t believe him and told him to leave us alone. So, he crafted the perfect reason to be over at our place one day, have her alone and see what she would do. She had inferred in the past that she was interested in fucking his brains out, so he was capitalizing on that to catch her. He had called me, giving me a bogus reason to run right home so I could ‘catch them’. I wanted to throttle him on sight, until he explained what he was doing. He showed me the video recording he’d made with the camera on his phone, having propped it up on a bookcase nearby to make sure I believe him. He did me a favor. The biggest favor of my life.”

“God,” Lucy said, not sure what else to say. “That’s just… I’m so sorry for you.”

“I was too,” Sullivan admitted. “And yet, after it sank in and we broke up in spectacular fashion, I was strangely relieved. But it’s taken me a long time to get to know myself again, and to realize that I’m not as willing to change for someone as I used to be. And that I don’t want someone to change who they are for me, either.”

Lucy swallowed, thinking of herself – and her need to transform her body in order to make everyone around her happier, and to make herself attractive to men again.

Who could love her the way she was now?

But then, maybe there was someone.

And maybe this man across from her was that someone.

“Well,” Lucy said, shifting in her seat. “Again, I’m sorry that happened, but it sounds like it was for the best. Are you and your brother on good terms now?”

Sullivan bit back a laugh.

If she only knew, he thought wryly. Instead, he nodded serenely. “Oh yes. We’re best friends. Closer than brothers, really.”

“I wish I was that way with Lionel,” Lucy said wistfully. “I envy you.”

“You have Brandt,” he said, and she smiled, nodded.

“I do, but it’s not the same,” she said, hiding a yawn behind her hand. “I’m sorry,” she said when her jaw cracked. “I guess I’m more tired than I thought,” she said, looking around for a clock.

Sullivan slid his phone from his pocket and noted the advanced hour. He and Lucy had been sitting quietly and talking for hours since dinner. No wonder they were both tired…

“You should go to bed,” he said, standing up and extending his hand to help up from the deep, overstuffed cushions. “We have that ten mile hike in the morning, right?” he said with a sly grin, reluctantly letting go of her hand once she had her feet beneath her.

“Yes, the Bataan Death March,” Lucy mused, her voice teasing. “I’d nearly forgotten. Thanks for reminding me.”

“What are boot camp supervisors for?” Sullivan said, beginning to bank the fire so it would die down for the overnight hours.

“I had… this was nice,” Lucy said, suddenly shy. “And thanks for telling me about her. It explains more about you. Helps me peel back those layers.”

“It was nice,” he said simply, turning back to face her, not sure what else to say.

They stood staring at each other for a long moment, both unsure what to do next. Sullivan finally broke the stalemate by taking a step forward and pressing his lips to hers softly.

He cupped her face in his hands, tugging her closer until their bodies were flush with each other, and her hands snaked up to curl around his neck. He bit back an involuntary groan at her touch, and deepened the kiss.

They kissed for a long minute by the dying firelight before he finally pulled away, his eyes hooded. “Good night, Lucy.”

“Good night,” she echoed softly, turning towards the bedroom, her fingers pressed to her lips, a smile threatening to break across her face.

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