Chapter Twenty Two

“Okay, you helped me,” Spencer said a few minutes later, standing up and rolling his muscles, enjoying the feel of no more pain in his leg. “How about we check in with you?”

Lucy backed away slightly. “What… what do you mean?”

“Do you want to do a weigh in? We talked about doing it the other day, just to see how the workouts and eating are going, and whether we are on the right track,” Spencer said, his voice soothing. “No pressure, just a good check in to keep accountable and see if we need to adjust your intensity or anything. You said you wanted that when we started…”

“I…” Lucy swallowed, realizing she would have to do this sooner or later. “I… I guess, but it’s not going to be good,” she said, her voice tiny.

“C’mon,” Spencer said cajolingly. “It’s going to be great! Let’s have you hop on,” he said, showing her to the very official looking scale in the corner. “No sweat.”

Lucy bit her lip, and then toed off her shoes and stepped on, squeezing her eyes shut, unwilling to meet the number that was haunting her, flashing on the screen for the whole world to see.

She heard the scale beep, then willed her eyes open, her shoulders slumping with disappointment.

She had really hoped it would be more pounds by now.

Self-sabotage is a bitch, she thought woefully.

Spencer was silent for a moment, gauging her reaction. "Okay, how do we feel about this number?"

"Shitty," Lucy said simply, her chin tipped down to her chest.

"Hrm?"

"Shitty," she said, her voice flaring with anger now. "Why is this so... so fucking hard, Spencer?!" she asked, exasperated, beginning to lose her temper with herself.

"Okay, let's talk about this a little," Spencer said, gesturing for her to step off the scale, his voice soothing. "What trainer do you want right now? Drill Instructor or Mr. Supportive?"

"Mr. Supportive," Lucy said, sniffling. "Even though Drill Instructor might work better."

"Okay, I know that based on what you've been doing in the gym that you should, reasonably, be down more weight than that by now, but you aren't, so let's get a game plan together, okay?"

"Let's beat ourselves up first," Lucy said glumly.

"Sure. Let's do that. That always helps a bunch," Spencer said evenly. "Want to tell me what happened? For real?"

"I mean, I started off good... I was strong and I was eating right, and I was feeling really good and proud of myself."

"And then?" Spencer prompted.

"And then I had a really bad day with bad food with Brandt - and oh god, there was wine - and it was like, ‘well the week's blown, so why not just keep eating?’, you know? And it tasted soooo good, Spence. I mean, chicken breasts and rice work for a while but god, those brownies... with the merlot..." She flushed, embarrassed to be 'fessing up to her cheat meal.

Which had turned into a cheat week.

She continued, her voice sad. "I was still working out, thinking it would counterbalance the food, but..." Lucy gestured to the scale. "Obviously not."

Spencer took a deep breath, and then let it out gently. "First of all, you are not the first person this has happened to, so let’s just get that out of the way. Exercise is great, Luce, and you're killing it in here, but anyone will tell you... diet is a good eighty percent of weight loss. The exercise supports it, but it's the food that does it. It’s really true, even though it’s the harder part for most people."

"I just can't seem to get away from the food," Lucy lamented. "It's not like quitting smoking or drinking... I mean, you still have to eat. You can’t quit food.”

"You do have to eat," Spencer agreed. "And part of this process is learning to make those good choices."

"Good choices suck," Lucy said, making Spencer laugh despite himself. Lucy grinned at his outburst, then soured. "I'm just tired of the cycle. And I'm tired of beating myself up."

"Well, let's let that go," Spencer said evenly, crossing his arms. "No beating up, but we do need to recommit to making those good choices, some how, some way."

"And this is even more embarrassing because you've tried so much to help me - I mean, here, and at the farmer's market, and the walks... I know you're in my corner and you've been super supportive, and I feel like I'm letting you down," she admitted, her eyes cast downwards in mortification.

Not to mention, she silently added, I've started to develop... tiny little baby feelings for you, and the fact that you have witnessed my failure, and seen my current weight makes me want to walk out into the Pacific and just keep right on going.

Spencer cleared his throat, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably, knowing it was Sully who was probably providing more of the moral support to Lucy at this point. "What would help you? Seriously? Let’s solve this."

"Seriously?" Lucy echoed. "Locking me away in a tower somewhere and force feeding me disgustingly good food until I'm brainwashed. Is that part of the Total Body Solution package? Is it an add on I can choose?"

"No," Spencer said, biting back a smile. "Here at the Sparkly Unicorn, we don't make a habit of imprisoning our clients, especially in towers like they are Rapunzel. But I might do that as an additional service. Think of the money I could make..."

It was Lucy's turn to smile. "You'd be rich! It would be like the Monterey version of The Biggest Loser!"

"I could be like Bob Harper," Spencer said reverently.

"Or, you know, Dolvett," Lucy said dreamily, and Spencer laughed.

"You have a thing for Dolvett?"

Lucy blushed but smiled brightly. "Who doesn’t have a thing for that beautiful man? You don't have a man crush on The Dolvett?"

"He's got a sick body, I'll give you that," Spencer said grudgingly. "But I'm cooler."

"Obviously."

"So, a tower. What about a moat? Is that a given?" Spencer asked.

"A moat, obviously, to keep the bad food at bay," Lucy said, trying for serious but losing the battle with a giggle.

"You do need some sort of boot camp, though" Spencer said seriously after a long beat. "Like a few days away to reset, like you said. Just be cut off, and only eat the 'good' food. Would that really help you?"

Lucy shrugged. "It might, I guess. Nothing else has," she said dolefully. "But the reality is that even if I sequester myself for a few days, I'll still sneak chips or cookies or something. I have no willpower."

Spencer scratched his head, contemplating. When their grandmother had passed away several years ago, she had left her small cabin in Big Sur to him and Sully. They had agreed to keep it, unwilling to sell such an important piece of their childhood, since they spent most of their summers there, running through the woods and trying to surf in the ocean. Maybe he could loan it to Lucy for a few days for her version of boot camp...

"What if I sent you to a cabin in the woods for a few days, armed with good food?" Spencer asked slowly.

Lucy eyed him speculatively. "That sounds...ominous. Wasn't that a horror movie a year or two ago - the cabin in the woods?"

"Seriously," Spencer said. "Would you do it?"

"Sure," Lucy said easily. "Until I lost my mind with the need for s'mores and went on a chocolate bar run through the woods. Like Deliverance, but with Snickers bars."

Spencer sighed. "It'd be a retreat, a chance to get zen and get healthy. Would Brandt go with you, keep you on the straight and narrow?"

Lucy laughed out loud. "Brandt is by far my biggest enabler. Have you seen him? He's a stick figure, never gains weight, and eats everything he wants. If he's drinking a glass of wine, I want one. If he's eating chips, he wants me to share. We bond over food - except that it adds to my figure, and I swear it subtracts from his. And he's obsessed with being thin - I think it's from those years he was a drag queen."

Spencer's eyebrow raised of its own volition. "He was a... a drag queen?"

"Oh yes, in college. A really good one, too," Lucy said proudly. "Best legs on the coast, people said. And man, he could belt out 'Proud Mary' with the best of 'em."

"Brandt Brown?"

"Nikki Courtesan," Lucy corrected. "I’ll show you pictures sometime. She was saucy."

"I bet," Spencer said, swallowing. "So, um, Brandt, not a good boot camp supervisor."

"Is Dolvett available?" Lucy said, her tone wheedling. "I'd be really good if Dolvett was my camp counselor."

"Uh huh," Spencer said tonelessly. "I'm pretty sure he's not available for Big Sur camping trips."

"Would..." Lucy shook her head. "No, never mind."

"What?"

"No, it's stupid."

"What?!" Spencer demanded.

"I only seem to stay on the wagon when... well, when I picture your face all disapproving or disappointed, you know, like it is right now," Lucy whispered, gesturing to his face, his lips set in a thin line. "Could you be my counselor, at least for a day, maybe? We could go to your cabin in the woods, not make it a horror flick of course, and just hang out, eat well, work out.  Not a camping trip, just... you know…"

Spencer sighed. Talk about conflicted... he really wanted to help her, but this was crossing some serious gym guidelines. And with her obviously developing feelings for Sully, and more so, Sully's feelings for her...

This was a bad idea.

He couldn’t get into this. He couldn’t, for any of their sakes…

"It could be fun!" Lucy said, her eyes wide and shining with excitement now.

Oh god, he didn't want to hurt her feelings, but...

"Lucy, I... I'm not really supposed to consort with gym members," he said gently.

Lucy's eyes flew to his, hurt flaring in them. "Consort?" she choked out.

He had to stop using that word, he thought silently. "You know," Spencer said uncomfortably, gesturing feebly. "Hang out. You're my client. It's not... it's not proper."

Lucy bit her lip, considering him for a long moment. "You mean, like we've been doing the last few times off site? That was... against the rules? Against your will? It was pity?"

She sounded horrified, and Spencer tried to backpedal quickly. "No, no. I mean, yes, I mean..."

"Omigod," Lucy said, backing away from him quickly. "I... okay, I understand. Look, forget I said anything. No problem. I'll get going on better food tomorrow, I promise. Listen,  I have to run... I totally forgot an appointment I have…"

"Lucy, wait," Spencer said, stepping towards her, his hand reaching out to stop her but she spun on her heel and walked quickly to the door. "Thanks for the check in. I'll see you later. Bye," she said in a rush, the door closing before her last words were out.

"Bye," Spencer said to the closed door, feeling like a heel.

**

"Stupid, stupid," Lucy said, her eyes blurring with tears as she peeled out of the parking lot. "You are so stupid," she said to herself, pulling into traffic.

She was totally embarrassed.

No, totally humiliated.

She'd basically asked him to go away with her for the weekend to some deserted cabin.

Of course he wasn't going to go, she thought blindly.

He wasn't... this wasn't... the way she was starting to feel about him was completely one sided. She liked him for him, he liked her because she was a client.

This was so humiliating.

She could never go back there, she thought in a panic. She couldn't just go in for her next workout as though nothing was up.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, she thought, already deciding what to get from the grocery store on the way home.

First on the list?

Chocolate chip cookie dough.

The really good kind.

And then a big bag of chips.

And maybe?

One of those frozen pizzas that was supposed to be for three or four people to share, but only served one in her house.

Just her.

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