Chapter Thirty Six

Lucy felt groggy and drained when she woke up the next morning – and terribly alone. She’d spent a serious amount of time the night before sitting outside alone, drinking a bottle of wine and thinking through so many things, not just about Sullivan, but about everything.

She had issues, she had concluded wryly.

Watching Sully walk out her door yesterday had nearly broken her heart. It hadn’t felt like a break up necessarily, but clearly they had some work to do if they were going to continue as a couple.

And most of that work was hers, she knew.

She had spent so much time reshaping her body that she had somehow forgotten she had to reshape her mind – and her perception of herself and how others would perceive her. No matter how many times Sully told her he didn’t care about her appearance, years of conditioning had trained her otherwise. She had to learn to trust him and believe him when he said he cared about her – all of her.

She knew Sully cared about her the way she cared about him, but the minute she had laid eyes on the stick figure of an ex fiancée, all the old insecurities had flared up.

Exacerbated by the fact that she thought Jewel was kissing Sully.

If the twins hadn’t pulled a switcheroo on her earlier on in the year, the thought never would have occurred to her that it was Sullivan and not Spencer kissing her back.

Now, though, she wondered if she would always have the kernel of doubt when she was with Sullivan, or if it would fade in time.

In any case, she thought that maybe it was time to find another person to work on her – her mind and her emotions. Spencer was the trainer for the body, but she thought maybe it was time to get a ‘trainer’ for her insecurities and thoughts, to talk things through and lay some things to rest.

She had even had the profound thought that her abandonment issues and body image issues clearly stemmed from Ryan’s constant leaving, and then his death on the other side of the world just cemented those thoughts of being alone, with no one to trust or to love her.

It was no wonder she had some things to work out, she mused, pouring herself a cup of coffee from the freshly brewed pot.

She nearly spilled it all over herself when she jumped at the sound of a sharp knock on the front door.

She eased over to the door, setting her mug down on a nearby table and flicking aside the curtain to see who was on the other side.

A familiar face gazed back at her, expressionless.

Lucy took a deep breath, debated running back to her room and hiding under the covers, then slid the bolt free and swung open the door, coming face to face with Sullivan Jackson.

“Morning,” she said shyly, suddenly embarrassed by her emotional outburst of yesterday.

“Good morning,” he replied, taking a step back from her. “Will you come outside, please?”

Lucy looked at him skeptically but complied, pulling her cardigan tighter around her body as she shuffled out in her brightly colored pajama pants and fuzzy slippers. She squinted against the morning sunshine, and dimly noted the presence of traffic and walkers passing by as she stood in her jammies for all the world to see.

Then, she noticed that Sullivan wasn’t alone on her patio.

Her eyes flicked from Sullivan to Spencer and back again, confused.

Sullivan – or was it Spencer? – stepped back until he was standing next to his twin brother. Both men were wearing Oxford style button down shirts, flat front khaki pants and loafers, and their hair was styled identically. Neither man had anything that would set him apart from the other – she noticed that even their mannerisms suddenly mirrored one another.

My god, they really were carbon copies of each other, she observed without even thinking.

“What’s going on?” she asked, unsure of what was unfolding in front of her – especially at this hour of the morning. “What is this?”

“A test,” the other twin said, and she swiveled her head to stare at him.

“A test?” she echoed, and both men nodded in unison.

“Kiss the right twin,” the first man said without emotion, and her eyes flicked over to him, studying him.

“Wh—what?” Lucy asked, her voice shaky now.

“You know which is which,” the other one said, both of them sounding exactly the same as the other, and her eyes flicked over to him.

“In your heart, you know which one you are connected to, right?” the first one asked.

“I… I don’t…”

“So prove it,” the other man said. “Right now.”

“Prove that you’ll never worry about which twin it is ever again,” the first one commanded.

“Prove that you’ll always know the man you fell in love with, even though we look the same,” the other one said.

Lucy’s eyes darted from one to the other, then back again, taking in their challenge and turning it over in her mind.

“What if I’m wrong?” she asked in a tiny voice after a long pause.

“Then we’ll know we have some work to do,” the second twin said evenly.

“Or that maybe there’s nothing to be done between us,” the other one said just as evenly.

“But you have to know which of us cares about you – as a friend. And you have to know which one of you cares about you – as so much more than that,” one of them said.

Lucy’s head was swirling, and her heart ached at the sight of them both.

She took her time, looking into the eyes of first one, then the other. She couldn’t see anything that would tell them apart – no glasses, no workout gear, no chicken pox scar, nothing.

They were identical, but she had to know, in her heart, which one was hers.

And she did.

She hesitated for only a moment longer before stepping forward quickly and flinging her arms around the one she thought of as the “second twin” – the one who hadn’t knocked on the door. She closed her eyes and kissed him fully on the mouth, and instantly knew she’d made the right choice.

He pulled her to him immediately, his mouth warm and firm on hers, kissing her deeply, and she made a sound deep in her throat, a sound of happiness and passion and relief that she truly did know which twin she loved.

And which one loved her.

“Uh, okay,” a voice said from behind them. “You can stop now.”

They didn’t stop kissing, instead trying to get closer and closer to each other, kissing more urgently now. Lucy threaded her hands through Sullivan’s hair and Sullivan grabbed Lucy’s backside, drawing her more closely to his body possessively.

“Uh, this is getting kind of embarrassing now,” the voice continued. “And a little bit icky.”

Still, they continued on, heedless of his words.

“Okay, a lot icky,” the voice said, but neither member of the couple acknowledged him.

“This collar is completely choking me now. Can I take it off and change back into my workout gear? Please? Someone might see me looking like this.”

Lucy finally broke free from Sullivan’s embrace and looked over her shoulder at Spencer, who was tugging on his shirt collar distractedly and looking slightly miserable not to be clad in cotton and spandex. She laughed, and then stepped away from Sullivan to face both brothers. “So, did I pass?”

“You passed,” Sullivan said warmly, pulling her against him tightly.

“Would have been mighty embarrassing if you’d planted a big wet one on me,” Spencer said conversationally. “That would have made for interesting discussion the next time you were on the treadmill.”

Lucy laughed out loud at that and snuggled against Sullivan. “You love me,” he murmured against her hair, and she gazed up at him.

“I do,” she confirmed. “I love you,” she said, and then glanced over at Spencer, who was fiddling with his khaki pants. “You, not so much.”

“You wound me,” Spencer said, deadpan, and all three chuckled.

“How did you know it was me?” Sullivan asked, his voice serious.

“I… I’m not sure. Something in your eyes, in the way you were looking at me, as though I were your whole world at that very moment,” Lucy replied. “I just… I just knew. No doubts, I just… knew.”

“I’m glad you knew,” he said huskily. “And you are my whole world now, you know.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Lucy said, and Sullivan nodded.

“Sure, shoot.”

“No, not you,” Lucy said, turning to face Spencer instead. “Why were you kissing She Who Shall Not Be Named when I walked in?”

Spencer shrugged, then answered. “For old time’s sake – kidding!” he said, seeing th look on Sullivan’s face. “To fuck with her, mostly. She hurt my brother, so I was gonna hurt her – she still sort of has a thing for me. I had a whole master plan going before you waltzed in looking all hurt and confused.”

“Sorry to ruin your day,” Lucy said, not sounding sorry at all.

“Another time,” Spencer promised. “Now, are you guys all made up now? Can I go to work now? I gotta earn a living.”

“Do I still have the weekend off?” Lucy asked hopefully.

Spencer glanced from her to Sullivan and back again. “Do I have a choice?”

“No,” the answered in unison, so he simply smiled, waved, and turned towards his car.

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